[ That gets a raised eyebrow. Alberto has no concept of class or opera being considered in any way fancy most places... He'd gone from growing up as an only child of an eccentric single dad under the sea, surely a family of little means, then to an uninhabited island all by himself, then to a tiny, slow-paced fishing village, living with another poor single dad who owned a struggling pescheria he could barely keep enough fish in his net for before he'd employed Alberto... and even then, Alberto's poor delivery skills ended up costing Massimo money, in the end. Although Alberto wanted for nothing with Massimo, they also knew little luxury. After all, Massimo slept on a rickety old bed in the kitchen so that the children could have the only bedroom in their modest apartment. But Massimo cooked with such full flavor and gusto, singing opera to his pasta and pesto, that Alberto had no idea they were struggling. His only association with opera was the humble but rich meals he ate at Massimo's and that association is full of only fondness.
And... he didn't know what a rubber chicken even was until earlier today when he saw Sokka's post online. So the comment is totally lost on him. He shrugs it off with a roll of his eyes, and tosses the chicken unceremoniously over his shoulder without a care; it hits the wall with a loud squawk and a crash, knocking over some pile of miscellaneous somethings, including a harpoon that clatters to the ground... Wh-Why does Alberto own a harpoon?! Where'd he even get half this crap?!
He slings an arm over Chara's shoulder casually and guides them along toward the kitchenette lightly, waving his other hand. ]
Eh! C'mon, let's get cooking.
[ Like... Alberto expects Chara to help? To cook? Because he does. He didn't mention that part in this weird-ass invitation...
They're quickly released, at least, as Alberto makes a beeline toward the stove, taking the coffee off along with a couple tiny cups from his surprisingly tidy stack. ]
Here— you ever had espresso?
[ Chara has about ten seconds to object before Alberto pours a second cup automatically... ]
[SIGH, they're going to just drop their chicken right there on the floor then. Since Alberto doesn't seem to care, why should they? As they are led through the room to the kitchenette area. And oh boy, Alberto most certainly doesn't want Chara to cook.
Considering the only time they made food they poisoned their adopted dad, that's a good enough reason to never want to let them cook. At the offer of coffee though...]
No thanks, I like sweet things.
[They even make a face as they refuse, that kind of stuff is gross to them.]
[ Alberto cocks a judgmental brow at that decline as he takes his first sip of his own, setting the pot back down and giving Chara a flat stare over the brim of his cup. ]
Ooookaaayyy...
[ He files that fact away. He knows he has gelato in the freezer, but he figures he'll wait to reveal that fact until the real meal's already underway. Not that Alberto's opposed to dessert before dinner. Or dessert as dinner. He's just already determined here.
So, with another hearty sip of his own espresso, he sets it down on the counter and starts ripping off a bunch of bits from each of the bundles of dried herbs he has hanging, laying them together on a well-worn wooden cutting board, and grabs the mezzaluna from the knife rack, and hands it gracelessly to Chara. ]
[Hey at least they were somewhat polite in their decline! They could have been much much ruder about it.
And oh boy, that is some kind of knife that has been handed to them. Or... A weird chopping thing, either way, a sharp blade.
If only Alberto knew that they have a knife on them already that they could use instead, but hey they're going to hold the mezzaluna awkwardly in one hand.]
[ He barks a laugh, putzing around in the fridge, before producing two small but still fully intact cod fish, one in each hand, with a wide, smug grin on his face... ]
Don't worry— I'm practically an expert. I'll teach you everything you need to know~
[ ... He's not an expert... But he isn't exactly lying otherwise. He can manage, since arriving in Avalon. A few months ago when he first got here? Ehhh... he might've been lying.
He slaps the two fish down on the counter, standing beside Chara, and grabs a plate from above, then a long, curved, thin fillet knife from the rack. He has... so many kinds of knives... it's really kind of excessive. He points at the herbs with it, flinging it carelessly in the air as he explains. ]
Bunch up the herbs tight with your fingers, to start... Hold the handles with both hands, and start rocking the mezzaluna back and forth, then do it the other way, and another way, pretty much every way, until they're all tiny. Got it? I'll get started on the fish.
[Chara does not believe the claim of expertise, but hey they'll do what they're told. Bunching up the herbs and such before going to chop them up with the weird knife they were given. They can, at least, follow instructions.
Even if they find the whole thing kind of stupid.]
[ Alberto smiles and nods at that, watching Chara's work out of the corner of his eye as he readies his first fish. He takes his fillet knife and starts with small cuts down the back of the fish's dorsal fin, along the bone, surprisingly careful and practiced in his angle and pressure and speed. He slowly opens the fish up, dissecting it without a hint of squeamishness as he exposes its bones and starts to cut along them to separate the first fillet. He's clearly done this before, feels comfortable with his knife — maybe even takes some fun in it, just by his movements and the soft, proud smile on his face as he cuts it up and makes conversation. ]
Sooo~ Have you had branzino before? Or pasta? Asriel said he never had pasta before I made it for him. You guys grew up eating the same foods, yeah? Uh— snail pies or something, right?
[ He's actually genuinely curious about it, what monsters in their world eat, not just making idle chit-chat to be polite, as he makes fast work of slicing his fish. ]
I ate snails as a kid, too, but— y'know— water... fire... They were just, uh, heh— snails. No pies.
[They're pretty focused on what they're doing, since they don't want to mess it up. Although they really would prefer to be using a regular knife instead of the weird thingy Alberto gave them, but they're not going to complain.]
I've ate pasta before, I didn't always live with Asriel after all. And yeah I've had snail pie, mom makes it sometimes... Well, made it I should say.
[Chop, chop, chop.]
You're missing out, on the snail pie I mean. Sadly I don't know how to make it.
Y'know, maybe we can find a recipe for snail pie on the Everything Machine, eh? I'd try it. We can learn how to cook it together — the three of us.
[ A vague sort of tenderness about this suggestion as he continues butchering with well-taught care, a la his own adoptive dad-human. ]
So— you grew up with a human family first, then, uh— you died, and moved in with your monster family? Is that how it went?
[ It's a bit of a personal question, but delivered with some casualness, as Alberto removes the first fillet, flips the fish over, so its face is now facing Chara, and starts on removing the other half with the same deftness. ]
[Chara has a hunch that no one around here would know how to make snail pie, but hey it couldn't hurt to ask.
As to the next question? It makes Chara laugh.]
No, no. I died after I lived with Asriel, I ran away from my human family and fell into the Underground where the Monsters live and that's how I met the Dreemurrs.
Eh? "A kid like me?" What's that's supposed to mean? I mean, hey— keep your secrets, ragazzo, but— I'm just asking. Y'know, as a friend.
[ He peels the second fillet off, placing it on a spare plate off to the side, and chuckles to himself a bit abruptly, breaking the tension, as he lifts the mangled fish into the air proudly. ]
Ehiii~! Finito!
[ He turns it sideways so the face is looking at Chara, holding it out toward them slightly, a smirk growing on his face. He breaks up the awkward transition with some awkward humor, naturally, putting on a silly voice and making the butchered fish's mouth move as if it were talking. ]
[ That just makes Alberto laugh, lighthearted and amused. He likes Chara's dryness — it's easy to play off of for him. He sets the fish corpse aside in the sink, its head sticking out over the edge, saving it for... god knows what...? But slaps the remaining fish on the counter between them with a wet thump, laying the fillet knife down beside it. ]
Here. Wanna trade? You do this one. It's for Sofia and Carlo, so it doesn't need to be perfect.
[ He makes good use of their limited space, shifting whatever around as needed, as he moseys in on Chara's station with the finished herbs. He grabs another plate, pours some olive oil on it with his thumb over the mouth of the bottle, scatters the chopped herbs over it, throws in a large pinch of salt and a few twists of the peppercorn grinder, and slices up some of the loaf of bread with good speed (idly eating the end that he'd already nibbled off of beforehand)... As he does, he'll give a quick verbal crash course. ]
Slice it in short, shallow cuts along the dorsal fin first — feel for the bone as a guide. From head to tail. I'm left-handed, so I put the head to the left— do what's comfortable, y'know? Then deepen your knife until it opens the fish's body easily. It's all about the angle. The top toward the head will need more force, so just go for it, heh.
[Chara listens to Alberto's explanation of how to do what is needed with the fish, before they go about trying to do as instructed.
Which they do horrendously at, using the filet knife in the most awkward way possible. They're not used to using a blade like this, so they are most certainly showing it.]
[ He lets a little silence settle, some rather more classical opera music still casually playing on his phone softly on shuffle in the background than the more pop-y music that had been on when Chara had first arrived and been quickly forgotten and blended into vague noise for their tasking, as Alberto starts to take simple enjoyment in their work. After a second, though, he does cast an observational glance over at Chara's knifework and the awkwardness makes him smile a little lopsided smirk. He gently slaps at Chara's shoulder with the back of his nearest hand, inclining his head toward the knife in their hand.
He doesn't say anything, not even something innocent like "hey" or "like this" or so. He just gives them a knowing smile, eyelids lowered warmly, and twists his own knife in his hand to show what might be a more comfortable angle for slicing an invisible fish — the way Massimo showed him how to slice fish. And likewise, it's much in the same manner Massimo taught him how to twist a fork to eat pasta, after Alberto spent so long struggling to get one single damn noodle on his fork... A gentle tip. Not a critique. Just nonjudgmental guidance. ]
[Unfortunately Chara is so focused on what they are doing they don't notice Alberto's attempt to correct them, so they keep on keeping on. Getting frustrated before, well, they're putting down the fillet knife and letting out a deep breath as they go and pull out from their waist? Their own knife, which is more like a chef's knife, and decide to use that instead.
They're certainly more comfortable with this blade, and it shows in how they go about trying to butcher the fish once more although since it's not exactly made for it? It's still a sloppy job.]
[ Alberto goes about chopping up some parsley next, resuming with the mezzaluna, but he's quickly distracted when Chara whips their own knife out of fucking nowhere???! He stares at it with wide eyes and raised brows, before a lopsided grin grows on his face and he turns his gaze on Chara themself. ]
Ehi~! Nice knife. You just carry that around, eh?
[ ...unfazed. Not creeped out at all. Ostensibly thinks it's kinda cool. Oy. ]
[Knife outta nowhere, it's a skill of theirs really. They stop what they're doing when Alberto speaks to them, looking thoughtful as if they need to think on the answer to the question.]
Well yeah, it's better to have a weapon on you just in case something goes bad than to not have one.
[Yes, they said weapon. This knife isn't for fish but for people.]
[They don't seem to be bothered by Alberto mentioning he has swords, as if a kid owning swords is perfectly normal.]
Nah, I'm only good with a knife. [And a gun, and kicking and a book and frying pan... Undertale is weird okay?] Someone threatened to teach me sword stuff, but he's not here anymore.
"Threatened?!" You don't wanna learn? Swords are cool — I mean, c'mon, I even had a sword back on my island! You should try it! We could learn together!
[ He stops chopping in his excitement, waving the mezzaluna around empathically as he speaks, as if his hands are empty and not carrying a giant blade. ]
[ Alberto's eyes light up at the showiness. Cool. ]
Heh...! I already have— this cool guy, plus this sky monster lady...
[ He's satisfied with his parsley, and steps away to grab a big pot, moving a stack of other smaller pots and pans from the stool it sits on, quite noisily and clumsily. He hands it over to Chara and points to a sea salt grinder on the counter with his other hand. ]
Here. Fill this with water and put salt in it, like, forever.
[ Then picks up the fillet knife Chara had abandoned and starts de-skinning the fillets they'd both made as he continues conversation. ]
D'you know Signora Della? She's this seagull-dack-lady I know. She wants to teach me how to fight. She and I fought a bunch of magic pumpkins together a while back and it was pretty cool. She's the one who told me I should get some swords, after she saw me fight off the scary pumpkins with my knife. But I dunno— a couple weeks ago, she told me she hates sea monsters... Said all sea creatures are disgusting and gross. So— even though she's really cool and I like her a lot— heh, I gotta be extra careful around her now, y'know?
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corruptedsave) wrote2021-03-02 10:49 pm
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And... he didn't know what a rubber chicken even was until earlier today when he saw Sokka's post online. So the comment is totally lost on him. He shrugs it off with a roll of his eyes, and tosses the chicken unceremoniously over his shoulder without a care; it hits the wall with a loud squawk and a crash, knocking over some pile of miscellaneous somethings, including a harpoon that clatters to the ground... Wh-Why does Alberto own a harpoon?! Where'd he even get half this crap?!
He slings an arm over Chara's shoulder casually and guides them along toward the kitchenette lightly, waving his other hand. ]
Eh! C'mon, let's get cooking.
[ Like... Alberto expects Chara to help? To cook? Because he does. He didn't mention that part in this weird-ass invitation...
They're quickly released, at least, as Alberto makes a beeline toward the stove, taking the coffee off along with a couple tiny cups from his surprisingly tidy stack. ]
Here— you ever had espresso?
[ Chara has about ten seconds to object before Alberto pours a second cup automatically... ]
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Considering the only time they made food they poisoned their adopted dad, that's a good enough reason to never want to let them cook. At the offer of coffee though...]
No thanks, I like sweet things.
[They even make a face as they refuse, that kind of stuff is gross to them.]
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Ooookaaayyy...
[ He files that fact away. He knows he has gelato in the freezer, but he figures he'll wait to reveal that fact until the real meal's already underway. Not that Alberto's opposed to dessert before dinner. Or dessert as dinner. He's just already determined here.
So, with another hearty sip of his own espresso, he sets it down on the counter and starts ripping off a bunch of bits from each of the bundles of dried herbs he has hanging, laying them together on a well-worn wooden cutting board, and grabs the mezzaluna from the knife rack, and hands it gracelessly to Chara. ]
All right, then. You chop herbs.
[ Oh... ]
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And oh boy, that is some kind of knife that has been handed to them. Or... A weird chopping thing, either way, a sharp blade.
If only Alberto knew that they have a knife on them already that they could use instead, but hey they're going to hold the mezzaluna awkwardly in one hand.]
... You've never seen me cook, have you.
[Said flatly, as if this is the worst idea ever.]
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[ He barks a laugh, putzing around in the fridge, before producing two small but still fully intact cod fish, one in each hand, with a wide, smug grin on his face... ]
Don't worry— I'm practically an expert. I'll teach you everything you need to know~
[ ... He's not an expert... But he isn't exactly lying otherwise. He can manage, since arriving in Avalon. A few months ago when he first got here? Ehhh... he might've been lying.
He slaps the two fish down on the counter, standing beside Chara, and grabs a plate from above, then a long, curved, thin fillet knife from the rack. He has... so many kinds of knives... it's really kind of excessive. He points at the herbs with it, flinging it carelessly in the air as he explains. ]
Bunch up the herbs tight with your fingers, to start... Hold the handles with both hands, and start rocking the mezzaluna back and forth, then do it the other way, and another way, pretty much every way, until they're all tiny. Got it? I'll get started on the fish.
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[Chara does not believe the claim of expertise, but hey they'll do what they're told. Bunching up the herbs and such before going to chop them up with the weird knife they were given. They can, at least, follow instructions.
Even if they find the whole thing kind of stupid.]
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Sooo~ Have you had branzino before? Or pasta? Asriel said he never had pasta before I made it for him. You guys grew up eating the same foods, yeah? Uh— snail pies or something, right?
[ He's actually genuinely curious about it, what monsters in their world eat, not just making idle chit-chat to be polite, as he makes fast work of slicing his fish. ]
I ate snails as a kid, too, but— y'know— water... fire... They were just, uh, heh— snails. No pies.
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I've ate pasta before, I didn't always live with Asriel after all. And yeah I've had snail pie, mom makes it sometimes... Well, made it I should say.
[Chop, chop, chop.]
You're missing out, on the snail pie I mean. Sadly I don't know how to make it.
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[ A vague sort of tenderness about this suggestion as he continues butchering with well-taught care, a la his own adoptive dad-human. ]
So— you grew up with a human family first, then, uh— you died, and moved in with your monster family? Is that how it went?
[ It's a bit of a personal question, but delivered with some casualness, as Alberto removes the first fillet, flips the fish over, so its face is now facing Chara, and starts on removing the other half with the same deftness. ]
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[Chara has a hunch that no one around here would know how to make snail pie, but hey it couldn't hurt to ask.
As to the next question? It makes Chara laugh.]
No, no. I died after I lived with Asriel, I ran away from my human family and fell into the Underground where the Monsters live and that's how I met the Dreemurrs.
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[ No judgment in his tone as he finishes making his final slices. ]
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[It's not a nice reason, and one they prefer to keep to themselves. As they finish up with their own chopping of herbs.]
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[ He peels the second fillet off, placing it on a spare plate off to the side, and chuckles to himself a bit abruptly, breaking the tension, as he lifts the mangled fish into the air proudly. ]
Ehiii~! Finito!
[ He turns it sideways so the face is looking at Chara, holding it out toward them slightly, a smirk growing on his face. He breaks up the awkward transition with some awkward humor, naturally, putting on a silly voice and making the butchered fish's mouth move as if it were talking. ]
Ciao, Chara!
[ Yeah... "A kid like him." ]
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[Someone who doesn't know violence and bad stuff like Chara knows.
They can't help but roll their eyes at the fish shenanigans though.]
I draw the line at fish corpses, Alberto.
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Here. Wanna trade? You do this one. It's for Sofia and Carlo, so it doesn't need to be perfect.
[ He makes good use of their limited space, shifting whatever around as needed, as he moseys in on Chara's station with the finished herbs. He grabs another plate, pours some olive oil on it with his thumb over the mouth of the bottle, scatters the chopped herbs over it, throws in a large pinch of salt and a few twists of the peppercorn grinder, and slices up some of the loaf of bread with good speed (idly eating the end that he'd already nibbled off of beforehand)... As he does, he'll give a quick verbal crash course. ]
Slice it in short, shallow cuts along the dorsal fin first — feel for the bone as a guide. From head to tail. I'm left-handed, so I put the head to the left— do what's comfortable, y'know? Then deepen your knife until it opens the fish's body easily. It's all about the angle. The top toward the head will need more force, so just go for it, heh.
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[Chara listens to Alberto's explanation of how to do what is needed with the fish, before they go about trying to do as instructed.
Which they do horrendously at, using the filet knife in the most awkward way possible. They're not used to using a blade like this, so they are most certainly showing it.]
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He doesn't say anything, not even something innocent like "hey" or "like this" or so. He just gives them a knowing smile, eyelids lowered warmly, and twists his own knife in his hand to show what might be a more comfortable angle for slicing an invisible fish — the way Massimo showed him how to slice fish. And likewise, it's much in the same manner Massimo taught him how to twist a fork to eat pasta, after Alberto spent so long struggling to get one single damn noodle on his fork... A gentle tip. Not a critique. Just nonjudgmental guidance. ]
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They're certainly more comfortable with this blade, and it shows in how they go about trying to butcher the fish once more although since it's not exactly made for it? It's still a sloppy job.]
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Ehi~! Nice knife. You just carry that around, eh?
[ ...unfazed. Not creeped out at all. Ostensibly thinks it's kinda cool. Oy. ]
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Well yeah, it's better to have a weapon on you just in case something goes bad than to not have one.
[Yes, they said weapon. This knife isn't for fish but for people.]
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[ He resumes chopping parsley as if this is the most normal conversation. ]
Do you know how to use swords, too? I wanna learn how to sword fight. I have four.
[ Wh-Why does he have so much excess of everything...?! ]
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[They don't seem to be bothered by Alberto mentioning he has swords, as if a kid owning swords is perfectly normal.]
Nah, I'm only good with a knife. [And a gun, and kicking and a book and frying pan... Undertale is weird okay?] Someone threatened to teach me sword stuff, but he's not here anymore.
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[ He stops chopping in his excitement, waving the mezzaluna around empathically as he speaks, as if his hands are empty and not carrying a giant blade. ]
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[As if to make their point, they're going to twirl their knife in one hand before stabbing it into the fish's head.]
But I'm sure you can find someone who can teach you sword stuff around this place.
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Heh...! I already have— this cool guy, plus this sky monster lady...
[ He's satisfied with his parsley, and steps away to grab a big pot, moving a stack of other smaller pots and pans from the stool it sits on, quite noisily and clumsily. He hands it over to Chara and points to a sea salt grinder on the counter with his other hand. ]
Here. Fill this with water and put salt in it, like, forever.
[ Then picks up the fillet knife Chara had abandoned and starts de-skinning the fillets they'd both made as he continues conversation. ]
D'you know Signora Della? She's this seagull-dack-lady I know. She wants to teach me how to fight. She and I fought a bunch of magic pumpkins together a while back and it was pretty cool. She's the one who told me I should get some swords, after she saw me fight off the scary pumpkins with my knife. But I dunno— a couple weeks ago, she told me she hates sea monsters... Said all sea creatures are disgusting and gross. So— even though she's really cool and I like her a lot— heh, I gotta be extra careful around her now, y'know?
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